3 months

So I have officially been back in the U.S. for over three months. We hit the 3 month marker about 5 days ago. Wait a minute... is that right? Has it really been that long?

I still have a hard time thinking about my time there. I know my trip to Germany was not easy, but in my own way, I do miss it. I haven't let myself think about Germany in quite awhile. With school constantly going, I just push my memories to a dark, far-away corner in my mind... a place where I can dig through later. Don't get me wrong; I have constant reminders that I went there, that I spent 5 months experiencing another culture, and that I came back changed. I will never go a day without thinking about my time, if only for a few seconds.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have not let myself relive January through June. You know when you look at pictures and remember each detail of how the photo came to be, of the before and after moments, of the conversation that led to the picture? I haven't done that. I'm a tad bit scared. Honestly, I have not looked through most of my photo albums upon my return. It's something I've been putting off. I've been on trips before; I've experienced the bittersweet emotions, but this is different. This trip was like no other. When God wants to change you, there's no stopping Him. Sometimes it hurts during the process of changing, but when you look back, you miss that time.

I know I'm not making sense. It's taken me this long to even form those thoughts I've just written into words. I think I'm scared to relive some of the emotions I had while I was over there. On top of those emotions, I'll have new ones, from a different perspective... the "after I've had to time to think about it" perspective. One day I'll be a big girl and do that, but for now, know that I miss Germany.